Desperate

Iphone 03-04-14 068

and what was this feeling
that forever pervaded me?
an insidious creeping
unworthiness
a relentless anxiety?

I realised I was
desperate
graceless; clutching
ungainly
grasping to the last
shrieking and braying
as a greasy film of
insecurity
in the shape of my wanting
habitually clung fast

I inhabited this
wretched forsaken outpost
through endless incarnations
I held a permanent residency
I lurched about
cloaked in the vulgar garb
of coarsely expressed
grief and shame
that perpetually accompanied me

and now as I sit
and write in the night
listening closer still
I wonder who that person was
and how she came to be
I send love back to that lonely girl
and embrace her
tenderly

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